i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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