You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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