plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
