guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize