Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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