Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize