in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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