Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
