Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
