I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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