I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
