I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
