I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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