i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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