You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize