please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
