I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize