At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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