I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
