why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
