Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
