i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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