Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
