I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
