every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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