I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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