I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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