mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
