Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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