...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
