Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
