dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
