After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
