I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
