she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize