Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
