So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
