hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize