Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's always time for handjobs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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