Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
