Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
