do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
