your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I CAN MOONWALK!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
