Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
