was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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