Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
