hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
