I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
