our cab driver is having phone sex.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
