Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
