You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
