It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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