i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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