she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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