My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
