Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
