Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have post one night stand depression
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