Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
