She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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