I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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