I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
