Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
