I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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