I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
