You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
