it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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