Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to calm my uterus...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
