people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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