im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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