even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
