So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
