He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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