I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
