so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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