1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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