you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
