His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
