turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
