Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
