Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
