How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
