oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
