My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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