At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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