Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
