I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize